Discrimination and Heart Break

Dear Readers, We are writing to let everyone know about our frustration and disappointment with our recent experience in trying to adopt a dog from Pet Rescue Alliance Rescue Shelter (www.petrescuealliance.org (703) 338-3015) and how they discriminated against us. Shawn is in the Army and Elisabeth is a stay at home mom. We have three children. Sonora is turning 10, Carson is 7 and Evret is turning 4. Sonora was born with spina bifida and since then has been diagnosed with epilepsy and Asperger’s Syndrome, which, simply put, is a mild form of autism. All three of our children grew up with Leelee, our beagle, who passed away last spring from cancer, and Gus our Springer who passed soon after. For those of you who are not familiar with rescue organizations, in our recent experience, they all run basically the same. Find a dog you like, fill out the application, phone interview, home visit and if chosen, you get to adopt the dog. So, for weeks we searched the thousands of dogs available for adoption. I had chosen this approach (vs. going to a breeder or a pet store) to finding a companion for the family to teach my children that there are many unwanted dogs that need a good home. We were interested in a few dogs we were able to meet at Pet Valu, a local pet store that works in conjunction with Pet Rescue Alliance, located in the Springfield Plaza. We met Tex and fell in love with him. We filled out an application and had a home visit the next day. Uma, the representative for PRA, came to the house for about 10 minutes, asked some questions and said she would contact us that night. Nothing about the home visit made us feel that something was not acceptable. After not hearing anything for three days, I finally sent a message requesting information. Uma informed me she had been busy and that she had reservations about my children. I informed her they knew how to treat animals, i.e. do not pull tails or jump on dogs. Her next comment is where it started to go wrong. Uma was mainly concerned about my daughter. She felt Sonora was unhappy that she, Uma, came into our home. I explained to her that Sonora has several disabilities; one being Asperger’s. I explained that when she wants something, in this instance, her tablet, she continues to ask until she gets it. She was not aggressive, nor was she mean to Uma. All she did was continually ask me for her tablet and sound frustrated. Uma seemed to understand my explanation and said we could go ahead with the adoption. The children were so excited. Friday, adoption day, the kids went to school, and I shopped spending over $350 on dog supplies making sure we had all the necessary items to include the exact food Tex was already eating. When we picked up the kids they asked if we had Tex yet and told them we get to pick him up right now! On the way there Carson said, “This is the most exciting day of my life. I am just so excited!” I informed the kids they needed to be calm and so I hear from the back of the car after we parked from Carson, “be calm be calm”. We got to the store early so the kids started picking out toys and when Tex came in to the store they flocked to him and began to pet him. He was a very happy puppy who licked the kids and made them giggle. Sonora was actually the one who never left his side with me. She was in love. We were walking around the store and Sonora asked to hold his leash. I informed Uma, knowing she already had reservations about Sonora, that I would never let her hold the leash on her own; that she just wanted to help, and like children with Asperger’s do, Sonora continually asked to hold part of the leash. At no point were Sonora or the boys mean or inappropriate with Tex. Likewise, Tex was an angel with the kids. Uma then asked to talk to me down an aisle. I assumed we were going to go over the paper work. My husband, Sonora and Carson started to pick out a harness for Tex with assistance from the store clerks. Evret and I went with Uma who told me she was not feeling comfortable with us and that the adoption paper work stated “children could not hold the leash”. I informed her again that I would never let Sonora hold the leash on her own. Uma decided after 5 minutes in a cramped pet store that because my child with Asperger’s asked to hold the leash that we were not fit to adopt Tex. I told her that she just broke my children’s heart, started bawling, turned and then grabbed my family and walked out. I had to tell my three children who had been more excited then when Santa comes that Uma wouldn’t let us have Tex. We all cried to the car, Carson kept saying, “we were so close.” Sonora was so upset and kept saying, “we can’t leave Tex”. She didn’t understand why we were leaving Tex. Carson even offered to give up his gift from Santa saying he would ask for a puppy for the family instead. Sonora later told my friend, "Its wrong to leave a dog alone. We left him alone and he's lonely". There was no way to explain to my children with out causing more hurt feelings about what had just happened. We are sick to our stomachs over the discrimination against our child. Uma’s only concerns were about Sonora. She was uncomfortable with our special needs child. If Uma had reservations we could have had a play date at the park with Tex to see how they all interacted. You DO NOT tell three children they get to have a dog and then decide at the last minute that they cannot have him because Sonora asked to hold the leash! If she did not understand children with special needs, she should have asked. We would have let her spend time with her, our child with Asperger’s who hugs everyone and who slept on the floor in front of Lee Lee’s crate the first night after we adopted her. My children’s hearts were broken and a puppy didn’t get a loving home with a family who wanted him. We are sharing our family’s story with you in the hopes that volunteers and employees of other rescue shelters will take the time to educate themselves and their organizations about children with special needs. Additionally, we ask that donors to rescue shelters inquire about shelter policies and training regarding children and adults with special needs; and refrain from donating to organizations – like the Pet Rescue Alliance Rescue SheIter – that blatantly discriminate against families with special needs children. Finally, we would recommend that parents of special needs children inquire upfront about an organization’s understanding of special needs children prior to proceeding with the adoption process. In the end, maybe we weren’t the right family for Tex; but we do know for certain that Pet Rescue Alliance Rescue Shelter is not the pet adoption agency for families with special needs children. Sincerely, Elisabeth and Shawn Kadlec

Its Croup and a clarification

Well, so much for not wanting to have any sick talk. Ended up taking Evret to the Doctor last time after I heard the seal barks and watching him try and breath, sure enough he has Croup. First time in this family. Two neb treatments last night and a shot of steroids. Now we just have to keep him away from Grandma so she doesn't get sick:( Hoping for a quick recovery.

On a different note, I have had some questions about a previous post so I would like to clarify it. I am so used to using certain terminology, and forget that civilians do not always use the same words. Here was part of my post: "I am on a mission today to start figuring out how we can stay in MN longer when Shawn redeploys. Wish me luck!" Redeploys=comes home, so hopefully we can find an active duty slot for Shawn when he comes home so we can ALL stay in MN instead of moving to a different state.

Hoping for a more fun filled next post!!

Tis the season for running noses

Well, it is officially runny nose season. Time to stock up on kleenex and vapor rub. Carson and Evret are both congested, but enough sick talk.

The most fun part of the week so far has been Evret and his new Spider Man blanket from our cousin. He loves to cuddle up to it and when you spread it out he giggles at Spidey. He definitely has himself a favorite blanket. I am hoping bedtime is smoother now.

Funny saying lately:
Sonora's conversation with grandpa, "Grandpa, how are we going to breathe under water?" "Well, we can't breathe under water." "We'll have to be like a fish then."

And the fun continues with barking from Evret, guess we'll be seeing the Dr. tomorrow. I know I said no more sick talk, but I'm a mom, thats what we do:)

A new week

FFFs,

Well, it is a new week. The first full week of the increase in medicine for Sonora, and well, it isn't working well. In fact, I think her seizures are increasing. There are so many things that are better with her. She seems to be talking more, but it is so upsetting when she constantly has to stop doing what she is doing because she has a seizure. It is just so hard to sit and watch her have seizure after seizure. She comes right out of them but still, it just takes so much out of her after a while. So, I guess we will be emailing the doctor soon and getting a medicine change. So, it is still a long road ahead.

My rant of the day

I have worked many of jobs in my life and in all of them I would like to think I was nice to the people whom I served no matter what the situation. Is customer service a thing of the past? Maybe poor customer service and rude people is seen mostly on military bases. If you haven't heard about this, you should. I believe many people working on military bases just do not care how they treat a person because it is next to impossible to be fired. I have often wondered too if the frame of mind is that these services are free for us military people so really what do we have to complain about. What ever the case, I am tired of it.
Poor Evret is not feeling the best and all I wanted to do was to finally get him in to the doctor. So I call the appointment line and am told, well sorry we are having a shortage of providers so there are no appointments. I think to myself...a shortage, hmmmm, how about we hire more providers or better yet then let our children see pediatricians off post if you can not handle the load. Ok fine, what is my next option, well we will direct you to the nurse line. Nurse line answers, I give them my husband's info to look up Evret on their computer and are then told, well he isn't signed in here. Me, "what do you mean" . So it appears that Evret's tricare info did not go through when Shawn signed us all in but everyone else's has. Well what do I do then? I have to call Tricare or go see them. I ended leaving a quick irate message with Tricare and after not hearing back I call again later. So the second time around some one answers and of course it is somehow my husbands fault. But wait the lady says, let me look what is going on first. Ahhh I see, first blame the soldier then check the computer. Thanks. So after a few minutes and her making some phone calls she tells me the problem is fixed call again to pediatrics. Finally, I think this is all going to be ok but NO peds is saying Evret is still not with them. Ok I said, I just talked to Tricare on post, to which they reply you can't do that over the phone. Yes I can and I did, thank you. Where in this whole situation, I wanted to say did you not forget my baby feels like shit and sitting in an office is probably not what he would like to do. Then I get the well if she (the Tricare lady) is going to start doing this stuff over the phone then she better tell us. Anyway, after severals minutes we have a referral to go off post and that is what matters right? Not the fact that really they could have given a crap that I have a sick baby? Or that maybe, just maybe a little saying such as "I'm Sorry how can we help?" was a better place to start. As I said, perhaps there is just no customer service in the military. How dare I try and fix the problem myself and on the phone. How dare I not take the blame because you know it just couldn't be their mistake. So, now I am waiting for Sonora to get home so we can go to the urgent care place and wait, pray that it goes fast. It is hard enough being in the military I don't think that being treated like crap is really necessary.

Finally, normalcy

Finally on Thursday, Sonora had no partial seizures. Friday, she was also seizure free. All day on Thursday I kept checking my email waiting to get news about how she was doing for the day from the nurse or the teacher. When nothing came I didn't know what to think. But I could just tell when she came home that she was feeling better. She had color and was talking and just perky. What a relief. Now though I think the plan is to still try and wean her off the one medicine. The only way to wean her is to first bump up the other med. I would be fine keeping her on both after the horrible week we had.

We are so blessed to have such a great teacher and nurse at Sonora's school. I can't even imagine not being with them for next year. The stress of having to hope for a great team again is just overwhelming. All we can do is hope that her new school is just as loving and understanding. So, now I guess it is time to start concentrating on moving again. Oh the stress never ends:)

I'm back

I am back. I stopped writing only after a few posts but I find that I need an outlet and am hoping to find it in writing. I am a mom. I am a mom of three wonderful children ages 6,4 and 4 12 months. MY six year old daughter, Sonora, has Spina Bifida and really is a daily challenge lately. Today she had a seizure at school. She is fine, she came out of it on her own, but still a scary situation none the less. The school was great they took precautions and called 911. She didn't need to go to the ER but still another bump in the road. We are or were I should say changing her medications and had been weaning her of a couple. Apparently those medicines were helping more than we thought. So her new medicine was upped and will be upped again in 3 days. There is nothing more scary then getting the call from school saying they have called 911 for your child. I grabbed the baby told my 4 yr old to put on shoes, grabbed him a jacket and out the door we went.

This is just one event in the what is seeming to be a very bad year at school for Sonora. Last year at preschool Sonora loved going to school. She completed all her work and never gave the teachers a hard time. This year, she is like a whole new person not wanting to do any work, and refusing to do everything. Eventually she complies for part of the time. She nows has a full time para educator with her during the day to keep her on task otherwise she would wander around the class room in her own world. What happened? Has anyone else had this happen to their children? She was not being treated correctly for her epilepsy I often wonder if that is what has changed my little girl into my little monster.

My stresses only start with her daily attitude. We are in the Army so we will be moving in July to North Carolina. Now we are having to find a good school for Sonora so that I know that she is well taken care of again and being pushed academically. If anyone is interested in the whole military move, keep reading, I plan on posting almost daily everything I do to move our family.

I hope that this blog shines light on life in the military and maybe helps others like me know that they are not alone.
Until tomorrow, good night.

Politics of a military wife

Its October 6th and less then a month away from the elections.  As a military wife I feel very strongly about who is going to be president.  I even have an article that i am trying to get published, and if I have no luck, I will publish it here.  It really is a decision that can not be taken lightly.  For my family we are left with the realization that the next president will determine how often my husband will be deployed.  Currently, his deployment schedule is looking like almost every other year for one year at a time.  After watching the presidential debates I was hoping to hear something about how often our troops are being sent to Iraq and Afghanistan.  I even wonder if the presidential candidates know how often they have to go.  I am sure they do and that is why they do not mention it.  For all those out there who want to know the truth it is this.  I know people who have been to Iraq three times already, to include my husband.  Many of the those people have gone 12-15 months at a time.  You do the math.  What, its been not even 6 years since it all started.  That turns into one year gone, one year home.  Now each presidential candidate was talking about increasing troops in Afghanistan.  Where are these troops going to come from?  What if there is no draw down in Iraq first?  I can not even imagine what is going to happen to those in the Armed Forces.  When that many troops are needed they usually also have to apply Stop Loss where no one is able to get out of the military or retire.  I am lucky, I have a strong family and lots of support from friends.  What happens to those that don't?  I am not trying to sway you one way or the other on who to vote for.  However, I would like to ask this, if you know a military family the best thing you can do for them is support them.  Help the families while military member is deployed whether that is bringing them a meal, mowing their lawn, or just giving them some company so they do not feel so alone.  Our troops need your support and the best support sometimes is letting them know their family is taken care of at home.