Discrimination and Heart Break

Dear Readers, We are writing to let everyone know about our frustration and disappointment with our recent experience in trying to adopt a dog from Pet Rescue Alliance Rescue Shelter (www.petrescuealliance.org (703) 338-3015) and how they discriminated against us. Shawn is in the Army and Elisabeth is a stay at home mom. We have three children. Sonora is turning 10, Carson is 7 and Evret is turning 4. Sonora was born with spina bifida and since then has been diagnosed with epilepsy and Asperger’s Syndrome, which, simply put, is a mild form of autism. All three of our children grew up with Leelee, our beagle, who passed away last spring from cancer, and Gus our Springer who passed soon after. For those of you who are not familiar with rescue organizations, in our recent experience, they all run basically the same. Find a dog you like, fill out the application, phone interview, home visit and if chosen, you get to adopt the dog. So, for weeks we searched the thousands of dogs available for adoption. I had chosen this approach (vs. going to a breeder or a pet store) to finding a companion for the family to teach my children that there are many unwanted dogs that need a good home. We were interested in a few dogs we were able to meet at Pet Valu, a local pet store that works in conjunction with Pet Rescue Alliance, located in the Springfield Plaza. We met Tex and fell in love with him. We filled out an application and had a home visit the next day. Uma, the representative for PRA, came to the house for about 10 minutes, asked some questions and said she would contact us that night. Nothing about the home visit made us feel that something was not acceptable. After not hearing anything for three days, I finally sent a message requesting information. Uma informed me she had been busy and that she had reservations about my children. I informed her they knew how to treat animals, i.e. do not pull tails or jump on dogs. Her next comment is where it started to go wrong. Uma was mainly concerned about my daughter. She felt Sonora was unhappy that she, Uma, came into our home. I explained to her that Sonora has several disabilities; one being Asperger’s. I explained that when she wants something, in this instance, her tablet, she continues to ask until she gets it. She was not aggressive, nor was she mean to Uma. All she did was continually ask me for her tablet and sound frustrated. Uma seemed to understand my explanation and said we could go ahead with the adoption. The children were so excited. Friday, adoption day, the kids went to school, and I shopped spending over $350 on dog supplies making sure we had all the necessary items to include the exact food Tex was already eating. When we picked up the kids they asked if we had Tex yet and told them we get to pick him up right now! On the way there Carson said, “This is the most exciting day of my life. I am just so excited!” I informed the kids they needed to be calm and so I hear from the back of the car after we parked from Carson, “be calm be calm”. We got to the store early so the kids started picking out toys and when Tex came in to the store they flocked to him and began to pet him. He was a very happy puppy who licked the kids and made them giggle. Sonora was actually the one who never left his side with me. She was in love. We were walking around the store and Sonora asked to hold his leash. I informed Uma, knowing she already had reservations about Sonora, that I would never let her hold the leash on her own; that she just wanted to help, and like children with Asperger’s do, Sonora continually asked to hold part of the leash. At no point were Sonora or the boys mean or inappropriate with Tex. Likewise, Tex was an angel with the kids. Uma then asked to talk to me down an aisle. I assumed we were going to go over the paper work. My husband, Sonora and Carson started to pick out a harness for Tex with assistance from the store clerks. Evret and I went with Uma who told me she was not feeling comfortable with us and that the adoption paper work stated “children could not hold the leash”. I informed her again that I would never let Sonora hold the leash on her own. Uma decided after 5 minutes in a cramped pet store that because my child with Asperger’s asked to hold the leash that we were not fit to adopt Tex. I told her that she just broke my children’s heart, started bawling, turned and then grabbed my family and walked out. I had to tell my three children who had been more excited then when Santa comes that Uma wouldn’t let us have Tex. We all cried to the car, Carson kept saying, “we were so close.” Sonora was so upset and kept saying, “we can’t leave Tex”. She didn’t understand why we were leaving Tex. Carson even offered to give up his gift from Santa saying he would ask for a puppy for the family instead. Sonora later told my friend, "Its wrong to leave a dog alone. We left him alone and he's lonely". There was no way to explain to my children with out causing more hurt feelings about what had just happened. We are sick to our stomachs over the discrimination against our child. Uma’s only concerns were about Sonora. She was uncomfortable with our special needs child. If Uma had reservations we could have had a play date at the park with Tex to see how they all interacted. You DO NOT tell three children they get to have a dog and then decide at the last minute that they cannot have him because Sonora asked to hold the leash! If she did not understand children with special needs, she should have asked. We would have let her spend time with her, our child with Asperger’s who hugs everyone and who slept on the floor in front of Lee Lee’s crate the first night after we adopted her. My children’s hearts were broken and a puppy didn’t get a loving home with a family who wanted him. We are sharing our family’s story with you in the hopes that volunteers and employees of other rescue shelters will take the time to educate themselves and their organizations about children with special needs. Additionally, we ask that donors to rescue shelters inquire about shelter policies and training regarding children and adults with special needs; and refrain from donating to organizations – like the Pet Rescue Alliance Rescue SheIter – that blatantly discriminate against families with special needs children. Finally, we would recommend that parents of special needs children inquire upfront about an organization’s understanding of special needs children prior to proceeding with the adoption process. In the end, maybe we weren’t the right family for Tex; but we do know for certain that Pet Rescue Alliance Rescue Shelter is not the pet adoption agency for families with special needs children. Sincerely, Elisabeth and Shawn Kadlec

A Weekend Away

Here we are, Monday again. Why is it always so hard Monday morning after being gone for the weekend. I am pretty sure I do not do anything different to prepare for Monday when I am home. It was a typical Monday morning here, running out the door to get to school to find that the van doors are frozen shut and obviously I didn't start the van to warm it up. Not to mention missing hats and a little boy with a sore throat. I learned my lessen to not plant the idea of staying home again. I think he could have made it today but he was not giving in to the fact that I told him if he was still sick he could stay home.

The positives of the weekend:fun birthday party for Sonora and Evret at Space Aliens, the kids were able to play with their cousins, and I got to go out to dinner WITH OUT kids. All in all not a bad weekend away.

Every day I am just so pleased at things my children say or do. Evret was saying a couple new words, "Blaze and Got Ya". Sonora wanted a flashlight from the counter (I bought two) and I told her "no, it is mommy's". She replied back in a somewhat sassy tone, "but there is two of them." Now I know for most 8 yr old children that sentence would have been normal, but for Sonora that is a huge step in analytical thinking and verbal expression. It is so exciting to know that the wheels are turning and that she isn't just flitting through the days like she had been with all her seizures.

Can't wait to find out how school went for Sonora today after 4 days off, normally it is horrible because she doesn't want to go back. I am on a mission today to start figuring out how we can stay in MN longer when Shawn redeploys. Wish me luck!

Back tracking

So after a good night sleep I figured I better backtrack and fill everyone in on a little more about my family. Seems a little silly to say we are doing great when either you don't understand what has happened or you know our struggles the last couple of years and that was just not enough information. So let the backtracking begin.

Two years ago we yet again moved. This time to Kansas for a school for Shawn. He is now a Major in the Army. The school was only a year. Sonora up to that point had been doing ok in school and was again starting to have seizures. From the time we started changing meds everything went downhill for her, seizures were all day and night, she couldn't focus on school and nothing seemed to be helping. During this time, Evret was born and we muddled along. Come July (one year later) we moved to North Caronlina (Fort Bragg).

Another move meant changing doctors yet again for Sonora, which was really for the better. During this move Sonora was upset, tired, and really just wasn't doing well. We started seeing Dr's at UNC Chapel Hill and for First Grade, put her in a self contained class room so she wouldn't have so many distractions. I should say that during all this the boys were doing just fine:) Well, long story short, 2 shunt revisions, several medicine changes, and almost a year later, (about May) we FINALLY got her seizure under control. So for about 2 years Sonora had constant seizures all day and night. I am not even sure if she learned anything in that time or if its all a nightmare to her.

So, anyway, we had a decision to make last spring too. Shawn was deploying late summer, early fall and we could stay at Fort Bragg or move to MN with my parents. My Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in April and all our friends were moving from our neighborhood so we were leaning toward MN. But, change is not always good for Sonora and it meant leaving our good Dr's. Well the piece of crap school the kids were going to helped clinch the decision to move when they started switching everything around and were going to have my kids at two different elementary schools and refused to let her redo 1st grade, even though I am pretty sure she barely remembered most, and refused to main stream her. So we moved and since then, it has all been good.

Our little town has stepped up and has down EVERYTHING they can for Sonora. She is repeating first grade, they have mainstreamed her 100% with a full time para, and they keep me informed of everything she does. The best part, Sonora is READING!! I can not tell you how much that means to me. Carson is in K and LOVES it. I work at ECFE at the school as the Parent Educator two mornings a week and Evret gets to come with me. School is wonderful!! Oh and I need to give a special thanks to my cousin Nico, whom advocated for Sonora last year before we even moved. We could not have done all this with out you:)

We bring Sonora to Gillette Children's and for the first time I can say we love EVERY Dr we have seen. Their team approach is amazing. And as for my parents? Well my Mom is going through round two of treatment. I have taken over all cleaning and cooking duties. My parents both help teaching the kids to read and play with them, but best of all is the relationship between Sonora and my Mom. They are cuddle buddies and come 7 at night Sonora is excited to cuddle with her Grandma. They both needed each other I think.

And that brings us to today, Wednesday of MEA week here in MN. The kids are off for a couple of days and Sonora turns 8 on Friday. To all my family, friends and followers I wish you good night and a prayer to all those who have craziness in their lives. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I followed my light back to family and if god, and the Army, is willing, this is where we will stay for a couple more years.

Day One of New Blogging

As my husband is deployed I thought that I would take up blogging again. There are so many days that we do not get to talk and so many things that happen with the kids. Especially funny things they say. Unfortunately what happens is that by the time we can talk I have forgotten everything that has happened. So, this is my forum to relay what has happened, the funny things that were said, and my place to vent.

I am not sure how many days my husband has been gone, only about a month(ish) He will be gone for a whole year. I am not one for counting down days until the end. It just seems depressing to start counting down from the beginning.

Funny saying for the day: Carson says to my dad after he stopped at a stop sign, "Grandpa, you stopped for a long time." "Well, you have to be careful and watch for cars." "Yeah, because if you don't you will get flattened like a pancake, but Grandpa, I don't ever see any pancakes on the road. You don't want to run over pancakes." I have NO idea if we made a comment one time about being flattened, I guess but the fact that he remembers is funny.

On a different note, Sonora had a great day at school and Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy. It was a very long day, but she really shined. It makes life so much easier!

Evret, well, poor buddy had to get a shot today which was totally traumatizing. He was though, and he was 23 pounds, 12 ounces. Great weight gain!

Goodnight Friends, Family and Followers

Politics of a military wife

Its October 6th and less then a month away from the elections.  As a military wife I feel very strongly about who is going to be president.  I even have an article that i am trying to get published, and if I have no luck, I will publish it here.  It really is a decision that can not be taken lightly.  For my family we are left with the realization that the next president will determine how often my husband will be deployed.  Currently, his deployment schedule is looking like almost every other year for one year at a time.  After watching the presidential debates I was hoping to hear something about how often our troops are being sent to Iraq and Afghanistan.  I even wonder if the presidential candidates know how often they have to go.  I am sure they do and that is why they do not mention it.  For all those out there who want to know the truth it is this.  I know people who have been to Iraq three times already, to include my husband.  Many of the those people have gone 12-15 months at a time.  You do the math.  What, its been not even 6 years since it all started.  That turns into one year gone, one year home.  Now each presidential candidate was talking about increasing troops in Afghanistan.  Where are these troops going to come from?  What if there is no draw down in Iraq first?  I can not even imagine what is going to happen to those in the Armed Forces.  When that many troops are needed they usually also have to apply Stop Loss where no one is able to get out of the military or retire.  I am lucky, I have a strong family and lots of support from friends.  What happens to those that don't?  I am not trying to sway you one way or the other on who to vote for.  However, I would like to ask this, if you know a military family the best thing you can do for them is support them.  Help the families while military member is deployed whether that is bringing them a meal, mowing their lawn, or just giving them some company so they do not feel so alone.  Our troops need your support and the best support sometimes is letting them know their family is taken care of at home.   

A super mom

I thought it would be a good idea to let you all know why I called my blog Super mom.  First, I want to say that there are many super moms out there.  In fact, I think most moms qualify in some way as a super mom.  I am a wife of an Army officer.  My husband is currently deployed for the third time and thus I have been left once again to take care of the children on my own.  I do not blame my husband for this, we have chosen to stay a part of the Army and thus this life.  I am also a mom of a child with Spina Bifida and thus increased medical needs.  We have been fortunate, our daughter as the doctors first said is, "the best case of the worse case scenario".  As a result of the increased doctors appointment and rehab appointments I have not been able to work.  I am hoping to start my writing on a small scale, here blogging.  So, to those of you who need advice, a laugh, or just some insight, please enjoy.