Wanted to add pictures of our new puppy for those who were following our blog. My husband picked up Perseus on Sunday and we surprised the kids! Carson even asked if the puppy was theirs? And then said, "to keep?" Percy has been a wonderful addition to our family. Hard not to love a little puppy as cute as this.

A Little Bundle of Joy

Shhh...It's a secret. October 21st we will get a new bundle in our house. We can't wait! The kids have no idea about him so mums the word:) Sorry all I had to delete the pictures they posted on my kids tablets because its my google account and I can't figure out how to NOT have that happen! My son just asked where the pic came from and I said I don't know. Thank goodness he didn't keep asking!!

An End

If you have children, I am sure you have said, "if you would have just told me that to begin with you wouldn't be in so much trouble." I don't know about you but I really try and teach my children that if they do something wrong they should take responsibility so they can fix the situation and learn from it. The same goes for adults. My husband is in the Army and as old as it may get, at the end every exercise they have an After Action Review. The report includes, what was done, why, was it effective or not, and most importantly what did we learn from this. Whether it is our children or we as adults, learning should be continuous. An integral part of learning is being responsible. If we as people never take the blame for our actions how can any learning take place? After a comment was made on my blog that said I was using my children and discrimination as a scape goat from what really happened, I about hit the ceiling. If I thought I understood what had happened besides what I was told, this "situation" would have been resolved. I quickly made my call to end the silence and say, "I have no idea what you are talking about." I was just today told that the puppy was too hyper and not a right fit for our family with small children. I am not going to get into the whole telephone conversation but the end result is this: We were never told that the puppy was the issue for the adoption not going through, until I started blogging about discrimination. The only issues we were told about pertained to our daughter. I was told that the reason we weren't given more info was because our volunteer is not a good communicator. It was our fault we weren't given more info or a choice of another dog because I left crying and when my husband went back in and asked what happened, obviously angry, she told him,"she wasn't going to discuss it". We did receive an apology from Uma. In the end this is what my husband said and I truly hope it meant something to her "Hopefully your organization has reflected on what's happened and identified what went well, what went wrong, and what you can do to try and prevent this from happening again." I know we'll do several things differently next time should we choose to use a shelter/rescue group in the future. After our conversations today, we know where we stand and where they still stand. If you continue to share our story, please remember that our goal is to keep such a horrible event from happening to other families.

Still No Apology

Dear friends, family, and followers, It has been three full days plus since we tried to adopt Tex and we have not heard anything from the Board of Pet Rescue Alliance. At this point I think that they think that we are just going to go away and all will be fine. I am here to tell you we are NOT stopping until our goals are met. Our goals are the following: 1) A formal apology and acknowledgment that the adoption process was not handled properly 2) Written confirmation that policies are in place to prevent this from happening to other families; and that volunteers will be assigned adoption cases based on their education and life experience (i.e. generally speaking, a person with no children, formal education in special education/counseling, or life experience with special needs children SHOULD NOT be in charge of the adoption process for families with children (special needs or otherwise). 3) To enlighten other rescue organizations so that they can ensure this type of discrimination is NOT happening in their organization. 4) Remind other parents that they need to thoroughly investigate the rescue shelter and ensure that the organization has the appropriate staff and policies to effectively assess whether or not they have a dog appropriate for your family. We are asking that everyone continues to post our blog to all social media and to get the word out. Another way you can help us is to call your local rescue groups, let them know our story, and find out what their policies are with children, especially those with special needs. Again we thank everyone with your continued support.

A Goal to Work Toward

So I was thinking all morning about our situation and discrimination as a whole. I tried to see the situation in a different light. I tried to determine if there were other issues at hand to be denied adoption of Tex. However, all the reasons we were given were about Sonora, her "behavior," and how Uma was uncomfortable with that situation. Perhaps Uma truly did not realize that basing your decision solely on the behavior of a special needs child is discrimination. (The crazy thing is, Sonora's behavior was not beyond anything a "normal" child would/could have done.) Uma never said she wasn't letting us adopt Tex because Sonora has Asperger's, but then again, others who intentionally or unintentionally discriminate do not openly acknowledge or realize the true reasons behind their actions. Through all of our discussions, my husband and I have come up with so many different options that could have been done to have kept this from happening. She could have given our case to the other Volunteer with special needs kids - admitting that she was probably not the right person to be determining placement due to her inexperience with special needs children. Two, she could have asked to meet us at a park or our house instead of bringing an energetic puppy to a small pet store to complete the adoption process. Three, she could have been honest and said that she didn't think Tex was the right dog for us; and then have helped us find a dog that she felt was a better fit for our family. We have heard nothing more from them today. My concern is that they will think that we will just go away, but I am here to tell you that is NOT the case. Again, I ask you all to continue sharing our story. Our goals are the following: 1) A formal apology and acknowledgment that the adoption process was not handled properly 2) Written confirmation that policies are in place to prevent this from happening to other families; and that volunteers will be assigned adoption cases based on their education and life experience (i.e. generally speaking, a person with no children, formal education in special education/counseling, or life experience with special needs children SHOULD NOT be in charge of the adoption process for families with children (special needs or otherwise). 3) To enlighten other rescue organizations so that they can ensure this type of discrimination is NOT happening in their organization. 4) Remind other parents that they need to thoroughly investigate the rescue shelter and ensure that the organization has the appropriate staff and policies to effectively assess whether or not they have a dog appropriate for your family. I wanted to share a photo with you. This is Sonora sleeping in front of LeeLee's kennel the first night we had her. LeeLee chose to sleep in her kennel and Sonora did not want her to be alone.

UPDATE: thanks to everyone's phone calls and e-mails, we have received calls from both another volunteer and the individual responsible. The individual responsible offered a half-hearted apology, but refused to accept any responsibility for her actions. She once again confirmed that Sonora wanting to hold the leash was a reason that we couldn't adopt Tex. She went on to blame us for the place SHE picked to meet for the adoption. The other volunteer that contacted us was extremely apologetic and supportive. She has assured me that there will be some changes - the first one being that the responsible individual will no longer be making home visits to families with special needs children. We'll see what actually happens. Thanks again for the support and please keep sharing our story. We will continue posting updates on the blog as we get them. It is really important that other people who have been through this also share their stories. All rescue agencies should be ensuring that this situation is NOT happening in their organization. Please feel free to leave your comments here on the blog.

Discrimination and Heart Break

Dear Readers, We are writing to let everyone know about our frustration and disappointment with our recent experience in trying to adopt a dog from Pet Rescue Alliance Rescue Shelter (www.petrescuealliance.org (703) 338-3015) and how they discriminated against us. Shawn is in the Army and Elisabeth is a stay at home mom. We have three children. Sonora is turning 10, Carson is 7 and Evret is turning 4. Sonora was born with spina bifida and since then has been diagnosed with epilepsy and Asperger’s Syndrome, which, simply put, is a mild form of autism. All three of our children grew up with Leelee, our beagle, who passed away last spring from cancer, and Gus our Springer who passed soon after. For those of you who are not familiar with rescue organizations, in our recent experience, they all run basically the same. Find a dog you like, fill out the application, phone interview, home visit and if chosen, you get to adopt the dog. So, for weeks we searched the thousands of dogs available for adoption. I had chosen this approach (vs. going to a breeder or a pet store) to finding a companion for the family to teach my children that there are many unwanted dogs that need a good home. We were interested in a few dogs we were able to meet at Pet Valu, a local pet store that works in conjunction with Pet Rescue Alliance, located in the Springfield Plaza. We met Tex and fell in love with him. We filled out an application and had a home visit the next day. Uma, the representative for PRA, came to the house for about 10 minutes, asked some questions and said she would contact us that night. Nothing about the home visit made us feel that something was not acceptable. After not hearing anything for three days, I finally sent a message requesting information. Uma informed me she had been busy and that she had reservations about my children. I informed her they knew how to treat animals, i.e. do not pull tails or jump on dogs. Her next comment is where it started to go wrong. Uma was mainly concerned about my daughter. She felt Sonora was unhappy that she, Uma, came into our home. I explained to her that Sonora has several disabilities; one being Asperger’s. I explained that when she wants something, in this instance, her tablet, she continues to ask until she gets it. She was not aggressive, nor was she mean to Uma. All she did was continually ask me for her tablet and sound frustrated. Uma seemed to understand my explanation and said we could go ahead with the adoption. The children were so excited. Friday, adoption day, the kids went to school, and I shopped spending over $350 on dog supplies making sure we had all the necessary items to include the exact food Tex was already eating. When we picked up the kids they asked if we had Tex yet and told them we get to pick him up right now! On the way there Carson said, “This is the most exciting day of my life. I am just so excited!” I informed the kids they needed to be calm and so I hear from the back of the car after we parked from Carson, “be calm be calm”. We got to the store early so the kids started picking out toys and when Tex came in to the store they flocked to him and began to pet him. He was a very happy puppy who licked the kids and made them giggle. Sonora was actually the one who never left his side with me. She was in love. We were walking around the store and Sonora asked to hold his leash. I informed Uma, knowing she already had reservations about Sonora, that I would never let her hold the leash on her own; that she just wanted to help, and like children with Asperger’s do, Sonora continually asked to hold part of the leash. At no point were Sonora or the boys mean or inappropriate with Tex. Likewise, Tex was an angel with the kids. Uma then asked to talk to me down an aisle. I assumed we were going to go over the paper work. My husband, Sonora and Carson started to pick out a harness for Tex with assistance from the store clerks. Evret and I went with Uma who told me she was not feeling comfortable with us and that the adoption paper work stated “children could not hold the leash”. I informed her again that I would never let Sonora hold the leash on her own. Uma decided after 5 minutes in a cramped pet store that because my child with Asperger’s asked to hold the leash that we were not fit to adopt Tex. I told her that she just broke my children’s heart, started bawling, turned and then grabbed my family and walked out. I had to tell my three children who had been more excited then when Santa comes that Uma wouldn’t let us have Tex. We all cried to the car, Carson kept saying, “we were so close.” Sonora was so upset and kept saying, “we can’t leave Tex”. She didn’t understand why we were leaving Tex. Carson even offered to give up his gift from Santa saying he would ask for a puppy for the family instead. Sonora later told my friend, "Its wrong to leave a dog alone. We left him alone and he's lonely". There was no way to explain to my children with out causing more hurt feelings about what had just happened. We are sick to our stomachs over the discrimination against our child. Uma’s only concerns were about Sonora. She was uncomfortable with our special needs child. If Uma had reservations we could have had a play date at the park with Tex to see how they all interacted. You DO NOT tell three children they get to have a dog and then decide at the last minute that they cannot have him because Sonora asked to hold the leash! If she did not understand children with special needs, she should have asked. We would have let her spend time with her, our child with Asperger’s who hugs everyone and who slept on the floor in front of Lee Lee’s crate the first night after we adopted her. My children’s hearts were broken and a puppy didn’t get a loving home with a family who wanted him. We are sharing our family’s story with you in the hopes that volunteers and employees of other rescue shelters will take the time to educate themselves and their organizations about children with special needs. Additionally, we ask that donors to rescue shelters inquire about shelter policies and training regarding children and adults with special needs; and refrain from donating to organizations – like the Pet Rescue Alliance Rescue SheIter – that blatantly discriminate against families with special needs children. Finally, we would recommend that parents of special needs children inquire upfront about an organization’s understanding of special needs children prior to proceeding with the adoption process. In the end, maybe we weren’t the right family for Tex; but we do know for certain that Pet Rescue Alliance Rescue Shelter is not the pet adoption agency for families with special needs children. Sincerely, Elisabeth and Shawn Kadlec